Delaney explains her long-term plans:

"I'm a girl. I'll grow up to be a mommy and drink wine and mow grass and sleep in mommy's bed."

Adventures in Haunchyville

This past week was the Benton-Franklin County Fair. I had been eagerly anticipating the big event for a few months because there is always something entertaining going on at the fair. So, when Monday evening rolled around and the kids and I heard on the radio that there was going to be a demolition derby to kick things off we decided that we were up for a little monster truck action. If there is one thing that Tyce likes as much as dinosaurs, it is monster trucks. Preferably monster trucks painted and adorned to look like dinosaurs. Having just watched "Herbie, Fully Loaded" we were primed and ready for some good truck-driving-on-poor-little-cars action. Well... It turns out that a demolition derby does not actually include monster trucks. That would be a monster truck rally, or something with a title that includes "monster truck". While some of you may be shaking your heads at my complete lack of this motor-head knowledge, for those of you who aren't: a demolition derby is a bunch of junky cars racing around a dirt track trying to win by any means possible. Once we adjusted to the fact that we weren't going to see monster trucks, we had a wonderful time, and even bonded with the shirtless, sunburned guy behind us who enthusiastically explained the intricacies of demolition derby to us. The highlight for Tyce (OK, and me too!) was when a car with some Longhorn Cattle horns attached to it's top, along with a police light, won a race by finishing backwards, complete with steam billowing out of its hood. Pretty flashy.

Wednesday was the appointed "fair day" with a group of friends. We planned to arrive early and just let the kids revel in the wonder that is "The Fair". All was going well. We arrived at the crack of 10 to a nearly empty parking lot. Excitedly following the line of cars to the front of the parking area, things suddenly took a turn for the worse when they began directing us out onto a dirt road, beyond the rodeo arena, beyond the fair grounds... I was agitated (to say the least) about being parked in the farthest parking lot, where I'd have to hike my two young 'uns half a mile to even get to the fair, but who am I to argue with authoritative looking teenagers with orange flags who take the job of traffic direction so seriously?

Amidst all my grumbling, I muttered something along the lines of, "Holy bejeezsus, they're parking us in Haunchyville!" much to the delight of my kids who were eager to learn all about this place called Haunchyville to which we were heading. For those of you who don't have a friend from the Midwest to enlighten you, Haunchyville is a mythical (maybe? maybe not...) place in Wisconsin where a group of circus "little people" established a settlement of tiny houses. We had a friend in college who spent a good portion of his teenage years driving the back roads of Wisconsin in search of the elusive Haunchyville. We didn't find Haunchyville that day, but that's probably only because they don't allow gigantic SUVs to penetrate their tiny security gates.

It turned out that there was a lovely tram driver (tram being a tractor pulling a trailer, in this instance) who saw three sweaty moms and six exuberant kids struggling through the ankle-deep dust of the back-lot and stopped to give us a ride to the fair. The kids were delighted with the ride and we even got a bonus tour of the horse arena! In spite of what I have to say about their parking system, the rest of the fair was run beautifully. Pristine sawdust in all the stalls and walkways, clean and gentle animals readily available for petting, knowledgeable little 4Her's all over the place to answer preschooler questions, and hand washing stations just where we needed them. The kids loved all the animals, especially a mother pig and a litter of piglets, which all of us mothers also found adorable. My kids were especially delighted to see multiple animals pooping and it has been a favorite topic of conversation ever since.

Just beyond the stables was an array of children's amusement park rides, designed for younger kids. I promised the kids a ride on the merry-go-round to close out our visit. We stood in line for about seven minutes to get tickets, at which point I realized I had no idea how many tickets it cost to ride the merry-go-round so had no idea how many to buy. I bought ten, thinking that ought to be enough. The merry-go-round cost three tickets per child so afterward we were left with four tickets and a big dilemma. It turns out that all the rides cost three tickets (Why did the cashier not mention this when she noticed me buying tickets NOT in increments of three?) so my options were limited; leave and throw away $4 worth of tickets, let Tyce ride one ride and make up some excuse that Laney probably wouldn't buy about why she couldn't go (and still throw away a $1 ticket), or go wait in line again to get two more tickets so they could both do another ride. We opted for the last option with an even longer and hotter wait in line at the ticket booth. The kids chose to ride a mini-roller coaster for their second ride. Apparently the current trend in carnival management is to place a sign at the ride that states: "Please observe the ride in operation and determine if it is safe for your child." What? How am I supposed to know? Some kind of height/weight guidelines would be nice! Anyhow, I loaded Laney on it next to Tyce and hoped for the best. They loved it, of course. We'll call it another successful year at the fair!